Oh Jonah!

The last few weeks I have felt as though I had been somehow running... not sure where to, or from, or why... The last few nights the Holy Spirit has really given me a nudge to the point of not being able to rest at night. Last night I figured out why... I have been a Jonah! Running from what God had revealed to me out of fear. My fear has been of unworthiness, weakness, lack of leadership, and the list can go on. The Lord placed in my heart to reach out to college students in our church with my husband. My response was, "Surely the message was NOT for us. We are at a crazy stage in our lives, three little ones that are quite a hand-full... I misunderstood." Deep down I knew... But, not realizing I kept going through my days as if none of it happen. After several months went by I shared it with Jeremy and his response was NOT what I expected. He said, "yeah, I agree with you!" I said, "WHAT?!?! SERIOUSLY?!?! DO YOU SEE OUR LIVES RIGHT NOW???? DO YOU SEE HOW OUR HOUSE LOOKS LIKE IT'S BEEN HIT BY SEVERAL TORNADOES????"

We decided to really pray about it and make sure that's what God had for us... we really don't desire to be out of God's will. Not realizing we pushed that to the back of the burner and kept going forward with our hectic life... Jeremy going to work and me staying home. The more I seek the Lord the more conviction He brings me. He told me if I ever get to the place where I feel "qualified" to serve Him I am in DEEP waters, drowning in pride and self reliance. I guess I never looked at it like that... which means deep down in my mind the truth was distorted... and I believe a lie to be true. God says in II Corinthians 12:9 that HIS power is perfected in my weakness. This verse has been kept in the forefront of my mind. After this reminder God placed in my spirit His desire is for ALL to know Him... If Jeremy and I chose to obey Him in the small things, like reaching out to the college student age in our church... God has a mighty plan for Jeremy and I. I need to stop worrying about what "I" can or cannot do but think about what GOD can do through me.

Lord, teach me to be quickened in my spirit to obey You. May Your will be done through Jeremy and I. Use us for Your kingdom and glory.